May I introduce myself. My name is Eddy. I'm sweet 25 years young fo age. I have greenish/blueish eyes. I'm very attractive, about 20 feet tall and I'm the living dream of all mothers in law.

But my presence ain't that easy, you know. I'm not the youngest anymore and I need my beauty-sleep from time to time. My job here is really bonebreaking sometimes. Eventually I've got to giggle round a huge stage each evening, eyeclimpsing and monster playing. But believe me, I'm not a monster really, but a nice peaceful chap. My bosses, and I've got six of them, are quite some boozers, I'm telling ya'. Real rockers - they are. There's Bruce (Dicksinson) also called Brucey, who's the mainman here. Inbetween he's disappeared for a while, but after a while, I guess, he's got so homesick, that he couldn't bear the lonelyness anymore and came back to us, where he actually belongs. Steve (Harris) our first violonist, eh sorry, gitarrist I meant to say, hates to occupie his mouth, so he rather lets his instrument do the talking. Dave (Murrey) and Janneck (Gers) are a bit more lively compared to Steve. Adrian (Smith) has also returned to the mothers nest after a certain time out. And Niko (McBrain) is our Mrs. Chattermouth. When he starts, he's hardly able to stop. But together we are a strong team, like going for - all for one, and one for all to conquer the world. Recently we did a big tour, and you can't imagine, how exhausting this can be. Each day another place. I've lost every feeling for time. But there were some gigs, I'll never forget. For instance, some of the venues were so bad, that I was really worried, that fans in the last row won't catch me, when I turn up on stage. I mean, our fans shall get also something for their eyes and not only for their ears for their money. And money is, what rules the world. Over all, I must earn my living as well, won't I?!! I'm not stupid, playing the monster every evening for nothing.

Okay, I confess, I like doing it on one hand, and my ego feels alright. - 
Where did I stop?! Okay, some of the concerts have been really great as well. Sometimes the sound was a bit weak, but that was rather because of the venue than up to my guys. But for christ sake, the fans mostly didn't realize it. With songs like "2Minutes To Midnight", "Be Quick Or Be Dead" and "Holy Smoke" everything else around was unimportant anyway. Of course I was the cover-girl, eh sorry, -boy every time. It's not amazing, because I'm the smartest toyboy here....
How I keep my slim shape you wanna know? No, I won't tell ya everything, will I. But back to the gigs. "Brave New World" really turned out well and came across to the die hard fans in the audiance. But fact is, that all those great songs do not reach my personal favorite "Number Of The Beast", which of course is dedicated to me. Every time it comes up, I'm really getting nostalgic, and I get really proud. Over all, most of these stints were successful. There have only been a few little stories on the edge, which endangered some of our appearances. For instance, at one occassion they wouldn't let us do our pyro-show, and Brucey went nuts and almost destroyed the furniture in the dressingroom. On stage he went a bit beyond good taste by calling the responsible promoter a little Hitler. Okay, it is known that there is a bit of a love/hate relationship between the englisch and the german, but that's not a reason to go over the top. There are some borders of good taste and a real englisch gentleman like I'm one, would not have said that.- However, it didn't harm the average atmosphere. the fans celebrated us and we said good bye like always with: "Always Look On The Bride Side Of Life". 

There's one more thing for me to say. Despite all friendship and loyality towards my family, I want to complain about one thing. While the guys head off straight after a show, actually before the first fan has left the building, and they spend some nice hours on the hotelbar with a nice cool beer, I have to go back in my box, counting sheeps 'til next time. That's not fair.
That's why I protest here at this point for equality. I'm a real Rock'n'Roller as well and I've got the right for a beer and a pretty blonde with big boobs as well. You must know, a monster has some needs as well, if you know, what I mean. It's only human, ain't it. Otherwise I'll go on strike soon and rather spend some vacation on Hawaii in the sun with much hula. Brucey, Steve, Niko, Dave, Adrian and Janneck can then look for a new monster and deadringer. And that won't be easy, I swear..... Because such a beauty like me you won't find onwhere on this god damned world.
Ain't it true or I'm I right...